Dear Sky,

What’s it like to drown? He wondered.

He stepped In the water. The coldness of it tingled his toes and sent a shiver all through his body.

He ignored it.

Another step, a rather long one, the water reached just shy of his knees. The cold wasn’t so bad.
It was all playing like a broken record. They all laughed, so did he.
He couldn’t remember what they were saying. He just knew he had to laugh then. His mind wandered.
What’s it like to fly downward?
He looked around, rather bored.
He couldn’t grasp the significance of their conversations.
The clock on the wall kept ticking and ticking and ticking.
Time didn’t run or fly or slipped through his fingers like sand, it washed over him like the flew of the river.
The water reached his knees.
He once almost killed his brother and it wasn’t an accident.
Often he lost himself and not always he could be found.
They never noticed him and that calmed him, spotlight always gives you away.
He felt happy and wondered what’s it like to walk to the other side of the country.

The books he loved the most allowed him to live the lives he had choose not to choose.  The river flew around him as if it went through him. As if he wasn’t there. He wasn’t sure he was.
The picture he kept in his jeans pocket could be destroyed by the water now.
He never had the heart to say he loved his dad more than his mom.
His brother was the opposite of him and too much of a coward just like him.
He didn’t remember what kind of fish were in this particular river, but he felt some small ones tickle his ribs.
Or it could be the brunt of the stream.
He never liked coffee much. Sweet tooth and all.
He put flowers and money in books and forget about them. But not really.
He could be a rich man, who knows?
He couldn’t remember what the weather was like the day his mom and dad put him down and never picked him up again.
He first realized he’s losing his mind when he had to go a full day without any music’s constant present.
He could never keep a diary, how could he trust a piece of paper to hold his secrets and won’t be the end of him?
What secrets could a ten year old have?
He realized everything seemed like it was the end of the world back then only when he was eighteen years and 10 months old.
His favorite color was red and blood always fascinated him.
And he forgot how it feels to walk the earth while sitting on his dad’s shoulders.
He chuckled. The temperature of the water made his nipples hard and stand out under his wet shirt.
He wondered what’s it like to not think at all, ever.
He was in several car crashes through the years but never got hurt .
He never understood the concept of a broken bone in his 23 year of life.
He bought flowers for others only to make himself happy. No one else would do it after all.
He always ate the cupcakes despite knowing they always gave him stomachache. Who was he to deny himself of such small pleasure ?
When he fell asleep on the couch or in the car he never woke up in his bed again.
He made his brother his favorite food and felt at peace.
He wondered what’s it like to drown.
He took a long breath and took one last step.
He wondered what’s it like to breath again.

 

X, Kate..

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