Dear Kate,

There is a lot I need to tell you. But first. Remember that ‘snake girl‘ I kept talking about. I decided some people really need a name when I keep writing about them. Luckily I am smart and I don’t use their real names. I’ll call snake girl Helena from now on. Yes, I have been friends with her for a while, but I secretly didn’t want her in the story at first. Sadly she is going to be a bigger part now. Specially with the shit that has been going on this week.
I am going to start giving people names for now. Why? Because this is going to be the longest piece yet. So get a snack, maybe a drink, a charger and when you are at it play some music. [Hint. Shawn Mendes! Only because i hear it at least three times a day.]
So before I start this piece. Let me give you the names before I forget and you will ask. Helena is obviously the girl we both know and then there is her boyfriend. Gerard. Don’t worry I will not mention him as often. I’ll try to keep him away as much as possible. Then you already know Lily. My sister and Jennifer my sisters/ my friend. And when we are at it let’s name ‘You know who’ as well. I think Zeke will fit perfectly for now. Also my niece and aunt will be in the story as well. Not so much but I can only call them niece n and aunt s for there own safety. Yeah you saw that switch. I know you know everyone’s name and I kind of am happy you do, but it is also for my safety. Some secrets are not suppose to be out..

So, ready? I know I am never ready. Oh and sorry for the swearing. I really don’t care at this point. So let us go back a few days. Where everything went to shit.

My aunt S was in the hospital again because of dehydration. So we took niece N to see her and I was already tired. I hadn’t slept well and after a while it was hitting me. Hard. I wanted to take naps, but I kept sleeping bad. Nightmares. Yeah, I wish. And knowing my niece she was going to suck every drop of energy I had left in me straight out of me. And she already did the second we were walking around. After a long day of visiting my Aunt and walking around Mom called me to ask if my niece wanted to stay over. So yeah that is how we got her here. We got her stuff and we took her here. She was running around the second we got home. Where do children get there energy?! When she was here she was all over the place. I wanted to work on her birthday gift and I couldn’t she was everywhere. I took naps for two hours. One day even three. I was so tired that I did not care about when and how long I slept. I did not even care about reading because my niece was always there. Asking me things or wanting to play something. I bought her a book and I wish I had done that on day one. She was immediately into it. I still am a bit jealous she has a book with smell things in them. I wished at some points she would just shut up. At the store she was talking so loud all the time. She could have spilled everything. She was repentantly talking about Zeke and about ‘my boyfriend’. Out loud. In the store. With him there. In the store. She saw a picture of someone when I was on Instagram and she asked me if I liked him. She will call everyone I know my boyfriend, just to enjoy herself. Children with their crazy things and ideas. I should have never have told her. The day before she was going home I had to go to a birthday party. I did not want to go, but the person was happy I went. At two in the night I was still working on my niece her surprise gift. She was sleeping so I finally had some time. So I took my time and the next day it took me a few minutes to set everything up at her house. I had a whole hunt ready for her and she loved it. When she finally found her gift she wanted to see it for herself and all we heard was the ripping paper and then a big yelp. Then a small scream and then she came running back to us. When her mom found out she started crying. I had warned her that would happen. And she joked about that weeks before. But not anymore on that day. She hugged me so long my ear was full of water. But I was really tired until this week.
Around Friday I got a message and I was tired of Helena. She was making drama about a engagement ring and I was only trying to help her out. She made a big problem that she did not wanted to get married to Gerard and shit like that. That was around Monday but on Friday she struck a nerve and I just lost it and messaged her. I did not say everything I wanted to say to her. But it was enough for me. Then she turned it to her again. Like she always does. And I started to ignore her. I was done and still am. Luckily we already spoken about it and I am happy you got angry about it.
This week was not so great. And it is not even Wednesday. But that all changed today.. Because i saw him again.. And that made me happy. It is kind of sad how someone makes me that happy. Monday morning was probably hell for me. By the time of midday I had a panic attack. No. Wait make that two. My neighbors are doing some renovation work and they keep waking me up around 9 in the morning. Drilling, Tiles, Stones, hammers. Pure hell. We both are busy with our car drive test thing. But the guy learning me. He is a complete fucking bitch. He yells at me, he thinks I can do everything all of a sudden, he keeps stepping on what is left of my self esteem, he keeps telling me that I suck at things and I am just done. I was so done that I almost cried in the car. I should have gotten out and just walked away. Walked out of it and never come back. I should have yelled at him. Screamed that I am not a toy. But I couldn’t. I am not like that. I went home and broke down. I broke down so bad I had panic attacks. I can’t remember if it was big ones or just small ones on repeat. I do remember it stopped twice and then started three times. I could not speak my words, I could not breath. Even when I laid down it did not stop. My eyes were so red I thought they were bleeding. I am not joking. Then I had to go to the store and I was happy I did. I was talking to the girl we used to babysat and then I saw him again. Zeke walked by again. He took the time to fix up his shoe laces. I did not mind as always and today was even better. I took my time at the store and it was perfect timed. I don’t believe in gods and you know that, but I prayed that I was not going to fuck up in a way today. Everything was good. It could have been better, but A small moment is good enough right? And for a second I forgot that I was really in pain. That my ribcage is literately pushing my lungs into my spine and that my head is overthinking so much i am so stressed i can’t sleep.. But I will survive don’t worry. But you knew that already.. You knew everything already.. Right?

So that is basically how my days went. 60% bad 20% good so far the other 10% is me writing or reading. and 10% me stressing out. Nothing special there. I am just tired of people telling me what to do and what to say..

I still have that “Dream Piece” ready. I’ll talk about it later. That piece is haunting me.. Just like your drowning piece…

How are your exams going?

X, Sky


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